NEW BOOK “PROGRESS”
Dean stared into the light, watching the sun spread it’s last rays before dusk. It was a quiet, yet, beautiful action, and it filled her with pleasure to know that she had made it through another day. There was once a time where time and monotony had no consequence. There was a time when everyday was just the start of another adventure, where multiple opportunities and possibilities existed, but that all ended when Dean lost the only person that she had ever loved. She had heard many of her friends try to compare and contrast their stories with hers, not understanding that though she felt their pain and empathized, it was not even close to the misery she was dealing with.
Dean remembered the day that it happened clearly, and it replayed in her dreams every night. Most nights, she would wake up talking to herself and screaming, a cold sweat breaking through her heated skin. In fact, she noticed that the only time that she cried after that day was in her sleep. It was like her conscious mind was emotionally numb to all of the commotion that was going on in her head. Sleeping became a dreadful activity, and there were many times that she had to tire herself completely until her body gave in to sleep deprivation.
Once in a while, she went to the bar and allowed herself to indulge in the dreamlike state of intoxication. However, she noticed that with this, she had to pay attention to what she drank, because there were a couple of times that she became so obliterated that she started seeing Aron as if she were right in front of her. She would remember having full conversations with her ghost, and she recalled the sadness she felt, because she knew that Aron wouldn’t be there in the morning. The solitude was almost intolerable after knowing what it was like to share her moments with someone that would enjoy them as much as she did. Dean remembered her smile, the little dimple that came out when Aron laughed, the sigh that she gave Dean when she wasn’t listening to her, and even her angry expression when she was frustrated.
Dean missed those moments. It almost felt like she died when Aron did. The day that it happened, there was no precursors warning Dean that she would never share another moment with this woman that she loved. They had been together for almost three years, and though things weren’t perfect, this was the happiest that she had ever been. Aron had decided that they were going to go to the gay and lesbian picnic that day, which was all of the way across the city. They had a couple of friends that were going to meet them there, and Aron had made her famous fruit salad for the event. Her fruit salad wasn’t really famous, but Dean always called it famous, because she loved when Aron made it. The weather was fair that day, and the sun was out. Dean remembered holding Aron’s hand for the first part of the drive and listening to alternative music that they both liked, singing together. It took a little bit of time, but they finally made it to the right area of the city. Aron was talking debating about whether or not she wanted to play volleyball and telling Dean how clumsy she was at that point. Dean was stopped at a red light. The light turned green. Everything became a blur. Dean saw her car being pushed. She felt her body reacting on it’s own, and in this helpless state, she watched as Aron shot through the windshield, over the hood, and onto the concrete. Dean remembered exactly how she felt at that moment. It was like she was watching herself die with Aron. All of the blood, just a biological component of the beautiful person that once housed it. The explosion in Dean’s heart overran her thoughts. She remembered the tears escaping her body. She remembered holding the bloody body in her arms, knowing it wasn’t Aron, knowing it never again would be Aron. She remembered screaming so loud that a crowd of people cultivated around her. She remembered angrily punching her fists through her windshield, feeling the blood run down her arms, and searching for some sort of sign that she was still alive.